


Positive

by queenfanfiction



Series: writerinadrawer round 4 [7]
Category: Torchwood
Genre: Community: writerinadrawer, M/M, WriterInADrawer 4.07, prompt!fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-07-29
Updated: 2010-07-29
Packaged: 2017-10-10 20:41:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/104053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queenfanfiction/pseuds/queenfanfiction
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are many things Ianto doesn't tell Jack. This is one of them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Positive

**Author's Note:**

> Written for WIAD 4.07. If you are interested in this contest, please visit http://community.livejournal.com/writerinadrawer.
> 
> Author's Note: I'd like to sincerely apologize if the treatment of HIV in this story offended anyone. Clearly I needed to do better research before I used such a sensitive topic as a plot device. *facepalm*

It starts with a cold.

At first, Ianto is willing to ignore it. A few sniffles never hurt anyone, he reasons, and certainly it never hurt him before. He wears an extra layer under his suit, drinks orange juice while Jack isn't looking, brings a new box of tissues to the Hub.

But this cold doesn't go away like the others. It moves from his nose and into his chest, creating spasmodic coughs that last for minutes on end, and starts messing with his head and stomach. Before long, even Jack notices.

"Your cough sounds terrible," Jack comments one night when they're alone in his office together. "Why don't you have Owen take a look at you? See what he—"

It takes a moment for both of them to realize that Owen's been gone for nearly three weeks.

"I know someone." Ianto plows through the awkward silence. "Old family friend. I'll schedule something in the morning."

"Do that." Jack goes back to his paperwork. "Make sure he doesn't ask too many questions."

Dr. Fried does ask a lot of questions, mainly _how long have you felt this way?_ and _has it gotten any worse?_ and _would you mind if we did some tests?_

Ianto doesn't mind.

* *

When the results come, Ianto has to make sure he isn't seeing things.

Once he's sure, he calls the doctor. There must have been some sort of mistake, do you know how many Joneses there are in Cardiff, let alone in all of Wales?

This time, Dr. Fried asks no questions, only says _I'm sorry_ and _I know some people you should call._

After he hangs up, Ianto stares at the paper in his hands for a long time.

"I'm starving." Jack sticks his head through the doorway. "What's to eat?"

Ianto forces a smile. "Haven't thought about it yet," he says, crushing his test results into a tiny ball in his fist. "Chinese sound good?"

Life goes on.

* *

"Let's call it an early night," Jack announces. Gwen immediately logs off her computer and starts to pack her bag, and Ianto is ready to follow suit when Jack's hand falls heavy on his shoulder.

"Not for us, though," Jack breathes in Ianto's ear. "Yours or mine?"

Ianto is about to reply when he catches sight of the crumpled ball of paper still in his wastebasket. "How about neither," he says, and he brushes past Jack's surprised expression to get his own coat from the hook.

He sleeps alone for the first time in a month, but for some reason sleep doesn't visit him that night, nor the next.

* *

Ianto finds it ironic that of all the ways he could have caught it, it wasn't through the sex.

Of course, he'll never know for sure, but he's fairly certain Jack didn't give it to him, and it's not like he's been with anyone else. It's more probable that he got it while handling one of the many victims of Torchwood, always getting blood on his hands and never once thinking to wear gloves. He could wear them now, but the ones Owen left behind are surprisingly small.

(On another day, Ianto would have made jokes about size, but this is not that day.)

He's always seeing blood on his hands now, whether it's someone else's or his own. It's like Lady MacBeth, only worse, and Ianto half-hopes that madness might take him before the disease will.

"Didn't you just wash?" Gwen asks, standing behind Ianto at the sink.

Ianto just shrugs. "One can never be too careful."

And Gwen watches Ianto soap up his hands again, scrubbing at the same spot of contaminated blood only he can see, over and over and over.

* *

In the end, it's Jack who pieces things together first. On the fifth night Ianto excuses himself from work early, Jack is waiting for him by the door of his flat.

"You've not been yourself lately," Jack says, accusingly. To be honest, none of them have been the same since Tosh and Owen died; but Ianto can't find the strength to argue the point.

Instead, he pushes Jack away from the keyhole. "Can't I do what I want without having to explain myself?" he retorts, trying to sound self-righteous.

When he tries to fit his key in the lock, his fingers tremble so badly that he nearly drops the damn thing if it weren't for Jack steadying his hand.

"You can." Jack leans down and brushes his lips over Ianto's neck. "But you don't have to lie to me to do it."

They stare for what feels like an eternity, if it weren't for Ianto's watch calmly measuring the passing seconds with every tick. Finally, Ianto clears his throat.

"Let me make you some coffee."

* *

They lie in bed together that night, but unsurprisingly neither of them can sleep.

"It doesn't get easier, does it?" Ianto asks, and Jack stiffens beside him. "Dying, I mean," Ianto clarifies.

Jack relaxes, but only slightly. "No. No, it doesn't."

"Do you have a preference?"

Jack starts to laugh, but it comes out as a bitter chuckle. "Ianto, it's not like I get to choose. Besides, there's no such thing as a good way to die."

"I wouldn't know that, would I?" Ianto shivers and scoots closer to Jack's body heat; Jack obligingly snakes his arm around Ianto's bare shoulders. "I think I'd like a hero's death," Ianto continues. "Go out with a bang, save the world and all that jazz. Doesn't even have to be flashy, as long as I can do something before I go."

Jack presses a kiss to his temple. "You're sure about that, huh?"

"I'm positive," Ianto says, and when he realizes what he's said he laughs until he triggers a coughing fit and Jack has to get water to calm him down.

* *

Three days after the children freeze and a year after the diagnosis, Ianto gets his wish.


End file.
